The Danger of Sausagely Transmitted Diseases

Urban Slalom Coasting

The following story contains mature content that may not be suitable for children.

My old friend (will remain unnamed and referred to as ‘old friend’) who I hadn’t seen in a while was in town and stopped by my house for a visit. Two weeks prior to this visit he had undergone a surgery to remove one of his testicles. Apparently he had a serious injury and it got to the point where removal was the only option. Being that it was only two weeks since his operation, he was still very down about the whole matter. Anyway, he was feeling good enough to play some basketball so I invited some friend over to play; Kris Capello, Connor Carroll, and Pat Febre. All of us were outside on my driveway shooting hoops when by chance two of the basketballs rolled over to Kris’ feet. He picked both of them up, one in each hand, and said in a loud sing songy voice, “Anyone need a ball? I’ve got twoooooo…” Amazed by his unfortunate choice of words, Kris immediately passed a ball off and grabbed his mouth with one hand. We were all not sure if my old friend had heard what he said. Worried that he might have heard we tried not to laugh or sound like anything bad had happened. However, Pat did not know why we were all covering our mouths and acting weird. Pat asked in a loud voice “I don’t get it, two balls? What?” Unfortunately we will never know if my old friend heard what was said.

Here is a side story concerning the same old friend.

My old friend and I were in a Cosco with his mom. We got to the check out line and I ran to the food stand to grab a polish sausage. I came back and his mom asked me, “You like condom-less sausages?” I replied, “You mean condiment-less?” Awkward… Good times.